Legumous musings...

Have you ever fallen for someone who doesn't know you're around? Well, I have. In fact, I think that's the whole story of my life. At least, back when I was looking. It was all the Elaines, all the Eloizas, and all the Jacinthas that hit me the most. To me, those were acceptable losses. It was fair enough because they never knew who I was or who I am.
The thing that sucks the most is when she knows you and it hits you without you wanting it to or expecting it to. The worst part is when she still has nothing for you. Nonetheless, you two are friends. You would think that would make it easier because you know each other so introductions can be skipped. It doesn't. It just complicates matters. What happens when she knows all of your secrets? If she knows all of your hopes, your dreams, your ambitions, and all of your fears? It won't work unless she wants to share in them. That's really the trick. She has to want to share in the best and worst of you. After that, it becomes up to you to let her in.
Myself, I haven't really found anyone who fits that bill...yet. People always want to hang around me for one part or the other. There are those who know me only during the high points of my life and those who hang around the low points of my life. I guess that's just the way things are. It's not a universal truth, though. There would be those who are around during your proudest moments to smile with you and laugh with you and during the lower times when you feel most embarassed. They can make it all better.
It has been a very busy month or so. I haven't called my family and I haven't heard from them. I can only assume that they are all doing well. I'll try to call them up today. My friends...I have two that I usually keep in contact with. Both are busy. I try to help them out when I can. I have three more friends who have always been friends. These three have seen me at my worst and at my best. I'll hear from them someday...maybe in ten years...if they still know me.
Sometimes I think that people are outgrowing me fast. In retrospect, it's something to be expected. When you remain obstinate in an ever-changing world because you fear that when those you love come back to you after they leave they won't recognize you, you end up a novelty. You become something that people just keep around for the sake of keeping something around. It doesn't take a genius with a PhD to know that the world is dynamic and we have to grow with it. Myself, I'm a relic. An old soul stuck inside a new body but I still have plenty of tricks up my sleeves. Like the world, I am alive. I am dynamic. I won't be ignored.