Left and right...

Have you ever felt like the world was crashing down around your ears and there is nothing you could do to stop it? I have. In fact, I feel it a lot these days. It isn't something that has to do with work. I happen to enjoy my job and working. It gives me the only distraction that I can afford.
Lately, my mind has been beset by barrage after barrage of thoughts and situations that I did not expect to deal with. I feel like I don't want to eat, I feel like I don't want to sleep, and I feel like I don't want to draw. I feel like I don't want to wake up anymore. I guess it just feels like I am standing alone against the world. There is a large part of me that worries that I will eventually shut out everyone who care about me just because I feel like the world forgot about me. I mean, just because the people I grew up with choose not to come into contact with me except when they need me or when they find it convenient does not mean that my world is at its end, right?
All of this is a part of my anxiety. All of this is related to the fact that I just was not prepared for life. I was preparing to go fight a war. I was, in essence, preparing my body for sacrifice. I was preparing my mind and my soul for acceptance should I fall on the battlefield. I was prepared for all that. It just didn't turn out that way.
I don't know if it was just as well. I mean, if I wanted to go do the entire heave-ho, I'd have joined the US Army, right? Since I wanted to have some fun with it, I tried to join the US Air Force. I've heard the joke that said "You joining the Air Force? You must want to be a mechanic". As a matter of fact, I do. It would be awesome to be able to work on the most advanced airplane engines on the planet and get paid for it. But I guess God has a different plan for me.
Left and right. Hit after hit. Will someone tell me it's going to be all right? Or will someone tell me why I still fight? Who knows really?