'S Funny, 'S All...

I checked out this message from my elder brother the other day. It was both funny and full of comfort at the same time. You see, I sent him an e-mail a few days before that because he is expecting a son soon and I was suggesting some names. Well, he still hasn't settled on a name. I can't blame him. First sons are always the pride and joy of fathers. Myself, I wonder if I would ever be as lucky as he is. I mean, he has a wonderful wife who loves him and keep him centered and he has a loving family who is behind him all the way. In my world, he has it all. He now has a place to rest all his hopes, all his dreams, and all his ambitions. I, on the other hand, still live like a mercenary.
I still live my existence based on the needs that are required of it. I don't really know how it is to live in a life that has me smiling and not bound by the constraints of duties not set by myself. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. It's simply thinking to myself how all of the current duties that I have are not the ones that I chose for myself. My current duties have been dictated by circumstance and, one day, I fear that they will once more dictate where I will serve once more. It is true that, throughout all this time, God and the Fates have proven themselves to be on my side. It is unfortunate, however, that too many people have done otherwise. Many have, though. For them, I am particularly thankful.
It occurs to me that the higher powers of God and the Fates have given me their blessing and have trusted that I will make the right choices and decisions in my short trek in life. I know this because they have deemed it allowable that I don't fight in any wars this time around. I think they want me to start finding out what it means to be a person and how it is to live life for real. I think they want me to go the full ten yards and take the entire experience in.
This leads me to the humor and irony of it all. My best friend and my elder brother are both involved romantically with someone right now. I find it funny that, whenever I tell them about the girlfriend thing, they both say the same thing. They both say "It just comes to you". It's funny that it is this piece of advice that comes from two people who are both very much in-love with their significant others to a person like me and I am supposed to believe that this will come without effort. Ah, well. I think it is in this regard that I leave it to more divine forces. If I find her, then I do. When I do, I wil fight for her with all my might just because I know that she will do the same for me. I will fight for her with all my might because I want to hold onto her and never lose her again. It is quite ironic that I may never find her. If I don't, well, life has to go on. There is still a lot of work to be done here and I know that if I were with her, she would want me to go and keep on trying to make things better. The only difference is that there would be a second person who will be trying right beside me and I will have someone I am certain that I will stand beside.