God has a sense of humor. I mean, look at the platypus...

So, here I am. It's nearing twelve midnight on a cold summer evening in the happy state of California. I've come to that point in my life again when I have to write something down just so I don't go out of my mind. Lately, my mind has been wandering to thoughts that I have never entertained before. But first, let me relish the irony of the events that have transpired here in merry ol' terra firma.
I originally set up a blog account just so I could post a comment on a girl's blog. The irony of it all? Well, if you look into any given aspect or corner of reality, this girl wouldn't give me the time of day. It just so happens that my insecurities have manifested themselves in my lack of human contact. Whenever there is something that disturbs me greatly, I try to bury myself in activity just so I wouldn't have to think about it directly. Ironically, I know what I have to do in the situation. I just don't want to because the risks are great and I can't equate the rewards. In other words, it's just like seeing that girl at the office who just moved in from the East Coast. She's so pretty that I think to myself, nah, she's out of my league. I mean, as long as I think that way, there is no chance in hell that she can get to me. There would be no chance that she could hurt me. There is no chance that she would see my inadequacies and exploit my weaknesses. The other irony would be that she would be my weakness. If she would want a weakness to exploit, well, she wouldn't have to look far. Irony upon irony, yes. I am indeed a walking contradiction. A paradox of sorts.
I have gone back to sleeping on the floor. I figure it's good for my back. Not to mention that it reminds me of home. I am a tad homesick. I wonder many times if anyone misses me from home. I want to be with the people I love back in the republic. I want to be able to hang out with old friends and drink with family. Maybe one day. Who knows?
One of my close friends from the republic has asked me if I liked the women here in the United States. Well, they're lovely. There are a couple but it's sort of hard to get to know anyone here. I don't know if it's me, though. It probably is. I live my life here devoting my all just so my family here will not be left wanting. One thing I did not count on, though, is that the more I plant myself to become a rock, the more people move on without me. Whether or not I am the juggernaut that has chains and reins in his back pulling the weight of the world behind him or just the solid boulder that stands against the wind, I am the lumbering structure that everyone seems to be passing by and I content myself to watching everyone move forward and live their lives, oftentimes, without me. One day, I will get to know someone. One day I will share my life with someone. One day, someone will share in my world and all that it comes with and all without my asking. One day...maybe.
So, that's it. I have to say that this is a lot more therapeutic than just writing to someone and hoping for a response that you will never get. If you have to go out there and be the rock, then you have to go out there and be the rock. I'm going to be an uncle. One day, I hope to be called a husband and a father. One more time, people...one day.