Mangangamote lang po...

So, here I am again. It's another Sunday afternoon. At around two o'clock, I have to help with a barbecue. It seems funny to me that people only know me when they need something from me. Maybe that's not true. Maybe I'm just frustrated because I don't have that much money right now and it seems that I'm living from paycheck to paycheck just because I'm helping out a friend of mine and I'm helping out my younger brother. Man. I should just say no next time. I'm going to go into my own schemes and machinations and just do them myself. As much as I would like to help people out, it looks like I'm not in a position to help people out financially. I mean, if the people I am trying to help at the cost of my own head do not help themselves, then I'm just fooling myself when I hope that the small amount that I'm lending them is doing any good in making their lives better. I mean, I take public transportation to work and walk the rest of the way to save money. I let other people use my car almost exclusively just so they would not have to go through what I have to go through. It now makes me think and makes me think hard. How far do I have to push just so everyone else can break through? Did I and everyone else who helped mold me make myself into what I am just so I could be just another instrument? Am I just another weapon? What happens when I grow old and break down? I'm starting to see what my future is. It's not very bright.
They say that sorrow poisons the mind. They say that depression creates paranoia. Once you realize that the sun is outside shining bright, you might have a different view of what the world is and how you should move around in it. Sometimes, it really is necessary to say "no" not only to protect yourself but also to protect your future. If I'm reading this correctly, my future will not be defended by everyone else. My future can only be defended by me. It is that reason that I have to do whatever I can to fight and force my way through. I can no longer compromise myself just so everyone else can get to where they need to go. My time here on Earth is not as short as I thought it would be. Who knows, maybe that future has someone else in it besides myself.